What the?
by Neko Mikomi
Summary: MY FIRST FIC! After Bakura's duel with Yami, Ryou is unconscious and Anzu has the Millennium Ring. But what about Bakura? Shounenai, Pairings: MM, BR


Neko: Yep, I wrote a story, Me and my friend Chris were talking about old Yu-Gi-Oh shows and he said that if Anzu had the Millennium Ring, then wouldn't Bakura have Anzu's body? He also said that if he were Bakura and had Anzu's body, that he would feel himself up...kinda sad huh? BAKURA! RYOU! DO THE DISCLAIMER! Bakura: Neko does not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of the characters, thank Ra Ryou: But she does own a nice little picture of Malik that she got from a calendar, seeing as she bought it Malik: SO ON WITH THE STORY!!!  
  
What The--?! By, Neko (Inspired by Chris)  
  
Summary: After Bakura's duel with Yami, Ryou is unconscious and Anzu has the Millennium Ring. But what about Bakura?  
  
Genre: Humor Warnings: Shounen-ai, slight yaoi, hot Egyptians, and Anzu bashing Pairings: A messed up mix between Bakura, Ryou, Malik, and Marik ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ryou lay sleeping in his room as Anzu watched. As soon as Yugi and the others left Malik took control of her feeble mind. 'Finally, I have the Millennium Ring...that fool should have known better than to trust me!' Malik said into Anzu's mind before laughing like a maniac and causing the Anzu within her own mind to go into a state of shock.  
  
Meanwhile, in the Millennium Ring, Bakura was just waking up to find himself with a queer feeling, maybe because he WAS queer, but anyways...he reached up to run his fingers through his hair when he realized that his hair was shorter. 'That's strange....' thought the fiend as he looked around at his surroundings for the first time...and then he screamed. "AHHHHHHHH! WHERE AM I?!" He was in what looked like a dance studio with flowers and other girl stuff everywhere. There was a picture of the Statue of Liberty and other stuff from America along with a lot of ballet pictures. He looked down at his body and nearly fainted...he had Anzu's body! He ran up to a nearby mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked like Anzu but only he had meaner looking eyes and his body had a more masculine look to it. He then promptly fainted with the words "Shit...".  
  
Ryou awoke to see Anzu standing over him holding the Millennium Ring. He was about to ask her what she was doing with it, when she looked at him with soulless eyes. He didn't know where he was or what was going on but he thought that this might have something to do with Bakura's and Malik's deal, so he just shook it off and asked Anzu for his Ring back. "Fool, I am not Anzu, I am Malik" said Malik through Anzu's body. ".........YOU'RE A GIRL!" Ryou screamed, falling out of his bed. Which caused Malik...uh Anzu...um...oh, forget it, to start laughing like a maniac. Ryou just pouted which caused Malik to mentally go 'Awwww.......' before pulling the pale boy to his feet. "If Anzu...I mean you has the Millennium Ring, then where is my yami?" Ryou asked Anzu/Malik, who just got a wondering look on her/his face before simply stating: "I have no idea! I was going to kidnap him as a present for my yami whom no one is supposed to know about so he would have something besides me to 'play' with! But I guess you'll do..." Malik said while pulling on Ryou's arm, trying to get him to come to his room. When all of a sudden, an Anzu look-a-like appeared beside Anzu. "MALIK! YOU BASTARD! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW!" Yelled the transformed yami. "Bakura, is that you?" Ryou asked, still being pulled by Anzu. "ANZU! GIVE RYOU THE MILLENNIUM RING BACK RIGHT NOW! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN A SLUT'S BODY!"The deranged yami yelled at the brainwashed girl. "Bakura, that's not Anzu...that's Malik, he took over her mind...AND HE'S KIDNAPPING ME TO GIVE TO HIS YAMI WHOM NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT SO HE CAN HAVE SOMETHING BESIDES HIM TO PLAY WITH! SO SAVE ME ALREADY!!!" Ryou yelled while attempting to free himself of Anzu's iron grip as his yami went over and tried to pull him away from her. "LET GO OF MY RYOU!" Bakura yelled before drop kicking her and knocking her out. At that precise moment, Malik walked in and pushed Ryou up against a wall and kissed him. This caused the already pissed tomb robber to start yelling a string of Egyptian curses that only Malik could understand. "Ha, you look like a slut," Malik said as he turned away from Ryou who was shocked at what a good kisser Malik was (A.N. if only that had been me he was kissing...). "YOU EGYPTIAN BASTARD! YOU DID THIS!" Bakura yelled while trying to stand on Anzu's 3 inch platform shoes, unfortunately for him, he fell on his ass which started up even more curses. "Awww...can't 'Kura stand up?" Malik taunted, which resulted in his face meeting Bakura's fist (a.k.a. Old Betsy), which resulted in Malik and Bakura disappearing in a dust cloud while Ryou ran off to hide in Jounouchi's room. The white haired boy was quietly walking down the hall, trying to get to Jou's room without anyone noticing, when all of a sudden he was tackled by a mass of tan and blonde. "You must be the hot tomb robber my hikari told me about!" Shouted the evil of all evils, the fiend of all fiends, the person who could stand to watch Barney (*shivers*), yes.... it was Marik.  
  
~~~Announcer Dude: We interrupt this fic with a word from the authoress~~~ Neko: Should I stop here? Malik: BUT IT WAS GETTING GOOD! Neko: It was ALWAYS good! Malik: Yeah, right... Bakura: YOU MUST KEEP GOING WHILE THE CREATIVE JUICES ARE STILL FLOWING! Neko: Um...okay, I might just make this into a one-shot fic...who knows...JUST KEEP READING! ~~~Announcer Dude: And now back to our fic~~~  
  
"Wait just a second! I'm not Bakura!" Ryou yelled, not even looking at his attacker/stalker/glomper. Then he turned around and nearly screamed. "MALIK! BUT I- AND BAKURA- AND THE FIGHTING- AND---" "What are you yelling about sweetling? I'm not Malik, I'm his yami whom no one is supposed to know about: Marik!" Said Marik while dragging Ryou into his room as he kicked and screamed (unfortunately no one heard him because then the story would be killed). "So, my little fluffy one (1)...who are you? WAIT! Don't tell me...YOU'RE RYOU!!! The sexy tomb robber's equally sexy, yet not as psychotic, hikari! Am I right? Huh? Am I?!!!" Marik nearly screamed into Ryou's ear. "Um...yeah..." Ryou said as he backed away from the psychotic yami (Bakura: Who? Me? *gets whacked with a frying pan* X_x). "Oh come on! I just want to play with you..." said Marik as he lunged at Ryou who stepped away allowing the yami to slam face first into the wall. Marik got up and growled as he dove at Ryou, this time grabbing his wrist and throwing him onto his bed. Then he crawled on top of him and started to take of his shirt. Just then...(Malik: A CHICKEN FLEW BY! *smack*) the door flew open to reveal a pissed tomb robber (holding the Millennium Ring, but still with Anzu's body), a badly beaten Egyptian, and a...chicken? (Malik: YEA!) Marik look over at the two psychos and the chicken (?) before growling and pushing himself off of Ryou in order to save his sexy hikari from the tomb robber who looked like a slut. "I'LL SAVE YOU MAKKY!" The tan fiend yelled before pulling out the Millennium Rod and extending the blade. Bakura threw the Millennium Ring at Ryou who caught it, causing Bakura to get his body back. "YEA! I'M ME AGAIN!" He yelled as he ran up to Marik and hugged him. "What the--?" Was all Marik could say before he was knocked on his ass and laughed at by a certain sexy, psychotic tomb robber. "What was that for?!" Marik shouted as he tried to get up while maintaining at least a shred of his dignity, but it was ruined when Ryou shouted "HA HA! YOU FELL ON YOUR ASS!" (That's sooooo unlike him) Malik fell over laughing, earning a glare from his yami. "I don't see why you think it's so funny Malik; at least I don't sleep with an old teddy bear named Mr. Fluffles!" Marik said to his hikari as he laughed and backed into Bakura, and receiving the one and only Bakura Glare (© Bakura2003). Malik stood there shocked that his yami had revealed the secret of Mr. Fluffles, his favorite teddy bear that he had had since he was two and half years old, plus Mr. Fluffles gave him good luck. "HOW COULD YOU SPEAK OF MR. FLUFFLES! HE IS TO REMAIN A SECRET AT ALL TIMES!!!" Malik shouted. Then he just stood there breathing heavily as the other three people; well person and two spirits look at him like he was crazy...which he was. But they were so distracted by Malik that they didn't notice the evil that was about to rain down on them.  
  
~~~Announcer Dude: Neko has to speak...again~~~ Neko: I REALLY THINK I SHOULD END IT HERE! Bakura: KEEP GOING!!!! Neko: BUT IT WOULD MAKE A GREAT CLIFFY!!! Bakura: GET OVER IT!! *picks up Neko and sits her down at the computer* TYPE! Neko: Yes sir.... ~~~Announcer Dude: Yeah...~~~  
  
Anzu woke up in Ryou's room and looked around. She remembered bringing Ryou in here with the rest of the Gang before everything had went black. She looked around and saw that the door had a dent in it and was hanging slightly off its hinges, the bed was a mess, and there was blood on the floor. "Oh no, something horrible must have happened to Ryou!" She exclaimed before following the blood drops down the hall in in front of the door of duelist number five. 'This is Namu's door...' she thought as she examined the number. "Oh no, what if Namu is really Malik and he has a yami that no one is supposed to know about and they have Ryou! Nah....couldn't be" she said as an afterthought. She went to knock on the door and noticed that it was slightly open, so she pushed it open a bit more and stared inside. She saw four people, two of them with white hair and two with blonde. The eviler white haired one was glaring at the eviler blonde, while the more innocent blonde was looking like he was going to kill the other blonde. The innocent white haired one was looking nothing less than frightened. She snuck in and hid behind a chair, while fighting the urge to jump onto the innocent blonde/lunatic and glomp him. Everything got so quiet that she guessed they were playing the quiet game, so she quietly slid over behind the bed and got a closer look at the occupants of the room. Namu was about to kill another guy that looked just like him, Ryou and a Ryou look-a-like were standing away from them, the look-a-like seemed amused by the situation and Ryou looked petrified and was cowering behind his counterpart. Suddenly Namu pulled out a golden rod and pointed it towards all of the other guys. "I will send each and every one of you to the shadow realm if you breathe a word of Mr. Fluffles to ANYONE! Especially Yugi and his friends." Anzu saw Ryou open his mouth as if to speak only to have his feet stepped on by his double. Then the double leaned over and whispered "Don't make things worse!" At Ryou before returning to face Namu and his twin. Suddenly the twin of Namu said "we still need to make a plan to destroy Yugi and all of his friends or at least his friends since we still need to duel Yugi to get the Millennium Puzzle. Ryou, you can be our spy." He gave him a wink and then walked over to Namu and put his arms around him from behind. "And you can keep pretending to be their adorable friend Namu, Malik" Anzu was....confused. She had lost track of what they had said half way through their little chat and now she didn't know what was going on, the only thing she did know was that Namu was gay and so was his double. When she saw the twin of Ryou put his arms around Ryou's waist and pull him closer to his side, she knew that she was in a room with a bunch of fags. "I never knew Ryou was like that...." Anzu said as she blinked and decided to sneak back out, unfortunately her way was blocked by a large snake that was blinking at her like a small child and she let out a scream which caused all the occupants of the room to look at her and glare, well at least three of them did. The fourth one looked pissed that the tender moment he'd been having was ruined because of her.  
Anzu backed slowly into the wall as the four approached her. "There you are Fluffy!" Malik said, scooping the snake in his arms and keeping it from biting him."What should we do with her?" Bakura asked, pulling out a knife. "WE SHOULD CUT OUT HER EYES, HANG HER FROM A TREE, FIRE A BUNCH OF FLAMETHROWERS AT HER, AND THEN GIVE HER HEAD TO YUGI ON A SILVER PLATTER!" Ryou shouted, still extremely mad at her for ruining his moment with his yami. Everyone else stared at him and then Marik said "Sounds like a plan, I didn't know you were so good with torment Ryou! Good job!" Ryou blushed and looked down at his feet. Bakura pulled a couple of flamethrowers out of nowhere and passed them out to everyone (excluding Anzu) and said "Shall we?" Anzu did the only thing she could to stop them from killing her...she started a friendship speech. "Friends aren't supposed to kill other friends. They are supposed to be there for one another and make sure that they DON'T get killed because that's what friends do....." About half way through this Malik, Marik, Bakura, and Ryou made a run for it (but not without Malik knocking Anzu upside the head making her have amnesia). They all went back into Ryou's room and...........stared at each other......and stared some more.......a chicken ran by.......wait, huh? Anyways, Bakura pulled Ryou close to him and asked Marik and Malik what they wanted with them. Malik just simply said "it was his idea" before pointing to his yami, who smirked. "I have an addiction to hot guys like you two." He said while grinning like a maniac and sitting in a chair, pulling Malik down into his lap. "And he is also a possessive bastard that thinks that every hot guy in the world is his; he's kinda messed up in the head if you ask me." Malik said while cuddling his yami. "No one asked you Malik" Marik said before he started sucking on Malik's ear. "Um, okay...can you guys leave now, because I kinda want to go to sleep" Ryou said. "Uh-huh, sure you want to go to sleep" Marik said; casting a sideways glance towards Bakura.  
  
~~~Announcer Dude: HELP! I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE!!!~~~ Bakura: Marik, you're on thin ice! Marik: Really? Will you join me? Bakura: What an idiot....... ~~~Announcer Dude.....has been eaten, oh well on with the story!~~~  
  
"And just what does that mean?" asked Bakura who saw how Marik looked at him. "Nothing, I just happened to know that you and Ryou are obviously together, you don't have to hide it from me and Malik, we let everyone who knows about me know that we're going out," Marik said while hugging his hikari. Malik laughed and said, "Yeah, but Ryou, Bakura, Rishid, and Isis are the only people who know about you, and we didn't tell Rishid and Isis!" "So?" was all that Marik said in return. Bakura finally got up and threw Marik and Malik out of the room so that Ryou could get some sleep. "Bakura? Malik's kinda weird," Ryou said while he climbed into bed beside his yami. "Yeah, I know...that's why I like him" said Bakura while snuggling his hikari. "WHAT?!" yelled Ryou while sitting up and staring at his yami before Bakura said, "But not as much as I like you" and with that Ryou said "Oh, okay then, good night" and went to sleep with his yami snuggling him in the dark.  
  
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Neko: FINISHED!!!! Bakura: Thank Ra! Neko: *growl* Bakura: eek! Ryou: R&R!!!  
  
Explanations... 1: It was from an old Yoplait yogurt commercial. It played a song that said "You are my fluffy one, my fluffy wuffy one!" And then me and my friends started calling Ryou and all other pale, white haired anime guys fluffy (like Helios from Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon). 


End file.
